i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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