Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
