My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
