So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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