theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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