my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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