I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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