but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
