Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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