At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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