i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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