I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
