hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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