Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
