She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
