plz talk dirty to me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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