she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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