Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
