Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
