How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
