you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
