If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
