a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
