That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
