can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
