so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
