so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
