beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
