I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
