If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
there is glitter all over my balls
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
