I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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