What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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