my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sorry about my life...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
