I hate your face
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
