I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
