somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
