Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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