I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
