you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
