dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
