no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
