I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think my tv is drunk
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
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