if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
