Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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