bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
