i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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