Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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