how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
