Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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