somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
