I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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